I Never Told You
by NotYourAverageSchoolgirl
Summary: (One-shot) Draco and Pansy are being initiated as Death Eaters. When Pansy finds that she can't bring herself to torture muggles, what will happen to them?


**Inspiration hit me while I was listening to the Green Day song "Boulevard of Broken Dreams"... It's a little Draco/Pansy fic, written to clear my thoughts for all of my other fics. Enjoy and review!**

"_Draco," she ran over to where he sat by the fire, thumbing through a book. Her eyes sparkled in excitement, strands of dark hair coming out of her elegant bun, framing her face. _

_He looked up from his book, raising an eyebrow to prompt her to continue. "Pansy," he acknowledged. _

"_I received an owl from mother today," she began, a slight blush tinting her cheeks, "She says we're to be married after graduation." She bit her lip nervously, playing with the hem of her robe as she waited for his reaction._

_He leaned back, running a hand through his hair. "Well," he replied evenly, in the emotionless voice he had inherited from his father, "It seems like a practical match, and our families are indeed of high status," he paused for a moment, wondering if he should continue. And then, "And certainly, I much prefer you to many of the other girls in pureblood society."_

"_That's all I needed to hear," she smiled softly, well accustomed to his cold demeanor. "I'm happy with it," she hurriedly said, blushing a bit, "I... I think I wouldn't mind being married to you at all. And I hope... Oh I just hope that you won't hate me and that maybe you'll be happy with me too."_

_With that, she darted out of the room, muttering something about finding the other girls, her face turned away from him so that he couldn't see how red her cheeks had become._

_And it was only after she had left and he was left alone that he allowed his lips to curve upwards in a small smile. "I am, Pansy," he murmured to no one in particular. "I am."_

He walked alongside her, stoically keeping his face impassive as he followed the group of Death Eaters. It was initiation day, and he, Pansy, and three others were being inducted into the ranks of the elite. Initiations were always done in groups of five, all of them inducted together at the very end of the "ceremony".

He didn't need to look over to know that underneath her cold facade, Pansy was scared. Her face may have been set in an emotionless mask, her lips pressed together into a thin line, but he knew her well enough to notice the slight flash of despair in her dark eyes and the way she kept clenching and unclenching her fists. He resisted the sudden urge to reach over and take one of her hands in his own. Graduation was a mere week away, and she just needed to be strong until then... She would just have to get through this.

They reached the clearing, and the Death Eaters gathered in a circle. The five initiates stood in the middle, apprehensively awaiting the arrival of the Dark Lord. Draco sucked in a calming breath, his eyes flickering to the others standing beside him. Crabbe and Goyle's faces seemed completely blank and ready to serve; they never had thought for themselves, and they would certainly serve the Dark Lord well. Marietta Edgecomb stood beside Crabbe, her eyes hard and determined. Draco had been surprised to see her; she was a year older and had been a Ravenclaw, but looking back, he remembered that she had been a rather ambitious and untrustworthy girl.

And then... there was Pansy. Standing up rigidly, her head held high, she looked as ready to serve as all the others, if not more so. She was a clever girl, cunning and beautiful, from a highly esteemed family within Voldemort's inner circle. But Draco had grown up with her, been her best friend since they were young children, and he knew that she was a rather compassionate girl inside, though she tried to hide it with a sneering and cold demeanor. It was her weakness, a sign of resistance to the Dark Lord. And that little bit of dissention could get her killed.

He found himself praying that she would just do what she had to do and enter into the ranks of the Death Eaters without a fuss or any kind of hesitation. He could carry through with this, he thought grimly as he tightened his hold on his wand. He certainly wasn't excited about killing or torturing others, but if asked to, he could do it.

Suddenly, a loud crack interrupted his thoughts as the Dark Lord appeared in the middle of the circle, along with...

Draco strained his neck to see, and immediately wished that he hadn't.

Five muggle children huddled close together as the sobbed in fright, looking up at the distorted man before him, his cruel red eyes narrowed. Draco didn't need to guess what those children were doing here; he had known all his life that the initiation entailed _proving _one's loyalty to the Dark Lord, i.e. torturing or killing muggles.

He heard Pansy suck in her breath and glanced over at her quickly. Her eyes had widened slightly, but thankfully none of the Death Eaters had noticed. He wanted to tell her to hide her emotions, to work harder at putting on an impenetrable façade, but obviously, he could not.

The Dark Lord straightened himself up, turning to look at the initiates standing in a row. "Today," he hissed, his voice low and cruel as always, "We have several servants willing to join our ranks. To join the Dark, you must pledge your allegiance and then," his lips turned upwards in a cruel smile as he glanced at the children at his feet, "_prove_ your allegiance. You will fight for the Dark, you will give all you have to the Dark, and you will accept my orders unconditionally, even if it involves giving of your life."

They stood in a row, unflinching. This had been expected; they all knew the severity of joining the Dark Lord, but had been raised to know that this was their _calling_ in life.

"Good," Lord Voldemort seemed pleased. "First, we have Vincent Crabbe."

Vincent stepped forward, a burly, mean-looking boy. "I Vincent Crabbe," he recited as practiced, "hereby pledge my allegiance to the Dark Lord. I am prepared to obey, fight, and die as one of the elite, the chosen Death Eaters."

Voldemort nodded almost imperceptibly and pointed his wand at one of the children, a small boy no older than five. He shuddered, sobbing as he stared up in horror. "Crucio, and then avada kedavra," he instructed, that same malicious smile still on his lips.

Crabbe, born a follower, obeyed without hesitation. Raising his wand, he pointed it at the young, trembling boy, uttering in a low, but resonant voice, "_Crucio._"

The boy cried out as the other children quickly crawled backwards in bewildered fear. Draco watched as the boy writhed, his face contorted in pain, tears running down his chubby cheeks. The other children whimpered with horror-filled expressions; they had probably never seen magic at any time in their young lives, and watching this, they were confused and terrified. He looked out of the corner of his eye, catching Pansy's expression.

She stood, her back rigidly straight, almost painfully so. She was clenching her wand tightly; he could see that much. He couldn't catch a glimpse of her face, but he hoped that she had kept it in its emotionless mask. Well, thank god no one seemed to have noticed her discomfort yet.

As abruptly as it had begun, Crabbe lifted his wand and stopped torturing the poor little boy. Draco winced inwardly as the other children sighed in relief, apparently thinking that it was over, that they were safe. It... it was better that they died after seeing this. At least that way some part of their innocence would be preserved.

"_Avada Kevadra_."

The words came suddenly and unexpectedly, startling even Draco. They were uttered in such a low, calm voice that they really didn't sound all so dangerous at all, but an eerie green light had shot from Crabbe's wand, and when it subsided, he noticed that the boy now lay lifelessly on the grass.

There was a terse silence. Beside him, Draco could hear Pansy struggling to control her breathing, inhaling and exhaling with sharper breaths than usual. And then...

A little girl scrambling futilely for safety began to scream, her shrill shriek piercing the air as the gathering of Death Eaters looked on.

"Excellent," the Dark Lord finally hissed, his cold eyes glinting in approval.

After the first boy, it was a bit of a blur that Draco couldn't, or tried not to absorb in too much detail. Goyle was called forward, and he tortured and killed the screaming little girl effortlessly. She had tried to scramble away, but the barrier of the Death Eaters in their dark cloaks had stopped her, and she never had a chance.

And then Marietta's name was called. Draco had once thought her to be a rather pretty, but normal looking girl, with her loose red curls and slender form. But today she had donned a dark, crisp robe, her hair pulled back tightly with a silver clip. Her eyes, however, looked anything but normal today. They had a sadistic, excited glint to them, and Draco could tell from the way she walked forward that she was basking in the glory of being one of the _chosen_. She smiled as she recited her pledge to the Dark Lord, widening into a grin when he pointed out a small, cowering little boy as her victim.

She happily complied.

The body of the little boy lay crumpled on the ground; his eyes still wide open in shock and horror.

"Come forward," the Dark Lord commanded, beckoning with his slanted eyes, "Pansy Parkinson."

Draco grimaced as he watched Pansy step forward, her head held high, her expression haughty and condescending. She took small, elegant footsteps, her dark hair swirling slightly in the wind, her lips in a tight, forced smile. She glanced once at him, her eyes flickering with an unreadable expression, and he wished that he could send her strength with his gaze. But the moment quickly passed, and she walked past him to dutifully stand before the Dark Lord.

"I, Pansy Parkinson," her dark eyes remained impassive as she spoke in her clear, sweet voice, "hereby pledge my allegiance to the Dark Lord. I am prepared," she took in a deep breath, "to obey, fight, and die as one of the elite, the chosen Death Eaters."

The Dark Lord seemed oblivious to her slight (Draco could just _barely_ notice it) hesitation. He simply pointed the girl to a weeping boy who knew too well what was in store for him.

Planting her feet firmly, Pansy turned towards the child, who gave a whimper as she raised her wand. "_Cru_..." the syllable barely escaped her lips in a whisper before she had pressed her lips together again. She tried again, "_Cru_..."

Draco watched helplessly. He wanted to run over and shout at her, _just do it! It may be horrible, but just don't think about it, Pansy. _

Finally, Pansy threw down her wand in frustration, biting her lip nervously in the way that she always did. "I can't do it," she murmured softly, keeping her eyes focused on the ground. "I just... I can't."

A hushed silence fell over the gathering, and slowly, a soft, dangerous smile crept onto the Dark Lord's face.

Oh no, Pansy... oh no.

"Well," he declared silkily, glancing with distaste at the girl before him. "It seems we have a rebel amongst our initiates. Lucius?"

And that was all that needed to be said.

With quick strides, Draco watched in horror as his father took one step forward, raised his wand, and drawled out, "_Crucio_."

It seemed surreal, almost, Draco would later think upon remembering how he watched Pansy crumple, her dark hair flying behind her as she hit the ground. She tried to fight; he watched as she struggled, her lips pressed together in a thin, colorless line, silent tears streaming down her face.

And then... it was over.

She sat up, breathing heavily, trying in vain to stand up without her knees buckling again. She sniffled, wiping her tears in a way that Draco found heartbreakingly vulnerable. And Draco Malfoy, who had never believed in a higher power in all his life found himself praying fervently. Oh_ god please let that be all. Don't let them punish her more. _

And his prayers went unheard.

"Draco," the Dark Lord had called him.

He walked over, making sure to keep his eyes emotionless as he stood questioningly. "Yes my lord?"

The Dark Lord pointed carelessly to Pansy, kneeling on the grass as she tried to regain composure. "Instead of the children, you can crucio and finish this _weakling_ off," he hissed, his red eyes glittering in cruel pleasure.

Draco stared for a moment uncomprehendingly. _Oh god Pansy, why didn't you just obey and do as you were told? Why did you have to become as goddamned righteous as a Gryffindor at the moment when it mattered the most? _

He raised his wand, hoping that she would understand, hoping that she would know that he wouldn't channel enough hatred into the curse to hurt her as much as it would've if another Death Eater had. But as he looked down on her, fully prepared to utter the word that would bring his best friend, a person he _loved_ pain, he found that he could not.

She looked up at him, her dark hair askew and her eyes far too bright with the sheen of tears. "Do it," she whispered to him, her lip quivering slightly as she tried so very hard to smile up at him, and he immediately understood. She wanted him to kill her. She wanted to save him.

He felt sick as he stepped backwards unsteadily, his wand dropping from his clenched fist and landing silently on the grass. "My lord," he apologized, forcing his voice to be steady and clear, "I cannot. I have failed you, and understand that I should be duly punished." He lowered his head submissively. Maybe... maybe if they focused their energy on torturing him for his impertinence, Pansy would be spared.

And indeed, for a moment, the Dark Lord's attention was diverted. He raised his wand, and hissed, "_Crucio_."

Draco took a split second to steel himself for immeasurable pain, squinting his eyes shut as he clenched his fists together. But... it never came. Instead, Pansy's pained screams brought him to open his eyes.

He realized with horror that she had thrown herself in front of him, taking the curse herself. And now the Dark Lord was torturing her as she simultaneously shrieked and sobbed. Draco's eyes flitted shut briefly as he took in a deep ragged breath, knowing that she was facing pain that no other human being could inflict, that she would probably be better off dead than enduring this.

_Don't do this. You're my best friend; you can't leave me now... What would I ever do? Don't you know how much our late night conversations meant to me; how much I looked forward to your visits as a young child? You're the girl who played hide-and-go-seek with me when I was four, the girl who offered to go with me when I couldn't think of anyone to take to the Yule Ball. Don't do this Pansy..._

He wished he could tell her now, but looking at her face, twisted in pain was too much for him to take. Gods, he wished that he could just run over and hold her and stop her from hurting. "Stop," he whispers, his voice barely audible. And then louder, "_Stop._"

Thankfully, miraculously, the Dark Lord lowered his wand, leaving a still trembling Pansy crumpled on the ground. She was trying not to cry out, Draco observed as he bit his lip, an expression that was always hers. She was trying so hard, but he could still hear her muffled sobs and see her shaking shoulders. Oh gods, what would happen to her?

"So, we have another rebel here," the Dark Lord smiled that dangerous, terrifying smile. "Trying to save your fiancée, are you?"

And before Draco could even think to respond, to say that _gods, if he could just die so that Pansy could live he would be so grateful_, the Dark Lord had raised his wand and pointed it at Pansy.

Her eyes widened slightly as she realized what was happening, and she turned to Draco, staring into her eyes as she mouthed, for the first time, _I love you_. He didn't have time to react; "Avada kedavra" had already been uttered and a sickly green light shot out from the Dark Lord's wand and hit Pansy.

She crumpled to the ground again, for the last time, and Draco found that his eyes were stinging with unshed tears. Abandoning the proper code of conduct expected of dark wizards, he rushed to her side, shaking her shoulders futilely as he willed her to wake up again, releasing the tears as he cried openly for the first time in over ten years.

_Oh god Pansy, what have you done? We were supposed to get married, have children, and grow old together. I know I never told you, but I'm glad, really glad that we were matched together. I don't think I would've wanted to marry anyone else. I never told you that I loved you, did I? I never told you that you were special, that none of the other girls ever compared... I know I never told you._

He slowly became aware of the fact that the Dark Lord was watching him and turned to face him, protectively holding Pansy's lifeless body close. He knew what was going to happen... he had blatantly disobeyed the Dark Lord and he would pay.

Yet as he watched the Dark Lord raise his wand (and noticed grimly that his father said nothing), he found that he was calm as he sat there, breathing in the scent of Pansy's hair as he held her close.

"Avada..."

_Hold on Pansy... I'm coming._

He smiled grimly.

"...Kedavra."

And as he tightened his hold on Pansy, the blinding green light enveloped him and slowly faded into darkness.

_Hold on..._

**Fin**


End file.
